A Chinese mother in the United States said: That day at the school gate, I saw a child quietly lining up, not making a fuss or noise, like a porcelain doll. I casually praised, "Your child is very well-behaved." The other parent's expression, however, changed noticeably, not with happiness, but with a subtle discomfort. After returning home, I kept thinking, where did I go wrong? Later, I discussed this with the teacher, who explained that we don't often use "well-behaved" to evaluate children because it more reflects obedience rather than the child itself. At that moment, I suddenly realized that I used to praise "well-behaved" as complimenting the child and reassuring the adults, but here, more attention is paid to whether the child has their own feelings and boundaries. No wonder the teacher often describes the child as having their own ideas, daring to express different opinions, and knowing what they do or don't want. It turns out I wasn't impolite; I was still holding onto different cultural standards of evaluation. We praise children to make adults comfortable; they look at whether children can be themselves.
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A Chinese mother in the United States said: That day at the school gate, I saw a child quietly lining up, not making a fuss or noise, like a porcelain doll. I casually praised, "Your child is very well-behaved." The other parent's expression, however, changed noticeably, not with happiness, but with a subtle discomfort. After returning home, I kept thinking, where did I go wrong? Later, I discussed this with the teacher, who explained that we don't often use "well-behaved" to evaluate children because it more reflects obedience rather than the child itself. At that moment, I suddenly realized that I used to praise "well-behaved" as complimenting the child and reassuring the adults, but here, more attention is paid to whether the child has their own feelings and boundaries. No wonder the teacher often describes the child as having their own ideas, daring to express different opinions, and knowing what they do or don't want. It turns out I wasn't impolite; I was still holding onto different cultural standards of evaluation. We praise children to make adults comfortable; they look at whether children can be themselves.