A 1997-born civil servant wanted to showcase his investment acumen in the market. In 5 months, he lost 5 years' worth of savings. The rise and fall of contracts controlled his emotions.
I'm a civil servant born in 1997 who hasn't experienced gambling in the narrow sense. It's more about stocks, digital collections, and cryptocurrencies—though it could also be called gambling. Over the years, I've lost over 300,000 yuan across these activities, with principal losses exceeding 200,000 yuan. I'm very confused now.
Last November, I liquidated over 10,000 USD. I forced myself to be patient, saved money, and stayed away from contracts for over a month to calm down. I've been slowly recovering. After the Spring Festival this year, I started small-position contracts. After losing a couple thousand yuan in February, I took a steady approach and caught the market trend, earning nearly 10,000 yuan. During this process, I actually felt something was off. Initially, earning a few hundred yuan a day satisfied me, but later I needed thousands a day to feel anything. My positions kept getting bigger, and I never set stop-losses. Finally, over these past two days with one-directional market movement, I lost everything I'd won, plus an additional 15,000 yuan in RMB losses.
After the contract liquidated another 2,000-plus USDT, I've been oscillating between a collapsed and self-satisfied state for three days. One moment I feel my life is over and I'm completely worthless; the next I think this amount of money shouldn't defeat me, so I must be too weak. I keep flip-flopping between these two mindsets. Overall, I haven't completely moved past this failure yet.
Over these three days, I've listened to many gambling addiction cases, and the more I listen, the more terrified I become. Though I'm not truly into online gambling, there's no real difference between what I do and gambling—it's the same nature. With a principal of thousands of USDT, I dare to open positions worth tens of thousands. Who would die if not me?
Compared to those gamblers, I'm just a relatively rational gambling dog. I haven't borrowed money or taken out loans; I'm gambling with my own assets and haven't reached the crazy stage yet.
However, over these past two days, I occasionally still think about doing contracts again, imagining following my previous pattern—small positions, making just tens of USDT daily profits then stopping. Over time, even if it's only 20 USDT a day, that's 4,200 yuan a month. Isn't that a joke? Isn't this exactly the "cosmic debt repayment plan" in a gambler's mind? Who can guarantee fixed daily profits? And if I lose, what then? It's really laughable.
I'm in a lot of pain now. I know I shouldn't play anymore, but I don't know why I did. I have no debt, and my material desires aren't high. Maybe I just wanted to prove myself, didn't want to accumulate wealth solely through my salary, and feared my parents asking how much I've saved. I couldn't answer them that way.
I initially thought the investment market could showcase my insight and bring me income beyond my salary. But after verification, although I did make money during the process, the result was losing it all. I was just stubborn and unwilling to admit defeat. Every time I thought I could maintain control this time, but after getting results, I abandoned my plan and principles. Once the gambling urge hit, I'd increase my positions without setting stop-losses, just enjoying that feeling of snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. This is human nature.
I'm the type that if I keep losing, I'll be very timid with very small bets. But once there are results, I get hotheaded and my gambling nature takes over. I'm really scared to touch this now—it's too terrifying. I'm like standing at the cliff's edge; one more step is an abyss.
Thinking back to these five months touching contracts, what I lost wasn't just money, but my normal life. The rise and fall of contracts controlled my emotions. I'd wake up in the middle of the night needing to check my phone—had my position executed? It's too scary. How did I become this way?
"Yesterday is like yesterday's death; today is like today's rebirth."
Thinking about it now, my problem is being unsatisfied. Every time I think about earning just a bit more, then a bit more. When losing, I just endure. Once I get hotheaded, discipline and stop-losses disappear—only bloodthirsty fighting remains, constantly trading until I can't bear it anymore.
Currently, my favorite activity is sleeping. In my dreams, I have so much. Last night I dreamed of meeting a dancing girl; we had mutual feelings, but ultimately got lost in the crowd. This might be my escape from reality and a tiny bit of hope for the future.
Let me plan my future here. Currently, it hasn't drastically affected my life—I still have savings and stable income; I'm not at rock bottom. Yesterday I researched old photo restoration services and got Google's AI model working. The problem now is customer acquisition. I posted on idle platforms and made short videos on three platforms with no traction—Douyin especially had just 1 view, which is hilarious. But this isn't urgent; it's just an attempt. I'll take it slowly. If it doesn't work, I can set up a street stall on weekends to see if it helps.
Writing to this point, I feel most guilty toward myself, secondly toward my family—specifically my parents. Despite having stable work and a well-off family, I'm just ungrateful, constantly fussing, leaving everything in a mess. Fortunately, I have no debt and haven't spent family money—I'm bearing it all alone. Actually, thinking about it, what I've lost in these five months isn't just money, but stable emotions and restful sleep. The ups and downs of contracts have controlled my life.
My biggest current problem is the helplessness when my parents ask how much I've saved. But mistakes I've made, I must bear alone. So be it—when the time comes, I'll be honest with them. I just hope this time comes slowly, letting me save more money and have more confidence to face their questions.
This year's savings goal is 50,000 yuan. By June, I've reached 30,000 yuan. Every time I think about two days of mistakes requiring three to four months to compensate for, I feel like collapsing. But what's done is done. I can only face it earnestly!
# Breaking the Gambling Cycle Series #3
A 1997-born civil servant wanted to showcase his investment acumen in the market. In 5 months, he lost 5 years' worth of savings. The rise and fall of contracts controlled his emotions.
I'm a civil servant born in 1997 who hasn't experienced gambling in the narrow sense. It's more about stocks, digital collections, and cryptocurrencies—though it could also be called gambling. Over the years, I've lost over 300,000 yuan across these activities, with principal losses exceeding 200,000 yuan. I'm very confused now.
Last November, I liquidated over 10,000 USD. I forced myself to be patient, saved money, and stayed away from contracts for over a month to calm down. I've been slowly recovering. After the Spring Festival this year, I started small-position contracts. After losing a couple thousand yuan in February, I took a steady approach and caught the market trend, earning nearly 10,000 yuan. During this process, I actually felt something was off. Initially, earning a few hundred yuan a day satisfied me, but later I needed thousands a day to feel anything. My positions kept getting bigger, and I never set stop-losses. Finally, over these past two days with one-directional market movement, I lost everything I'd won, plus an additional 15,000 yuan in RMB losses.
After the contract liquidated another 2,000-plus USDT, I've been oscillating between a collapsed and self-satisfied state for three days. One moment I feel my life is over and I'm completely worthless; the next I think this amount of money shouldn't defeat me, so I must be too weak. I keep flip-flopping between these two mindsets. Overall, I haven't completely moved past this failure yet.
Over these three days, I've listened to many gambling addiction cases, and the more I listen, the more terrified I become. Though I'm not truly into online gambling, there's no real difference between what I do and gambling—it's the same nature. With a principal of thousands of USDT, I dare to open positions worth tens of thousands. Who would die if not me?
Compared to those gamblers, I'm just a relatively rational gambling dog. I haven't borrowed money or taken out loans; I'm gambling with my own assets and haven't reached the crazy stage yet.
However, over these past two days, I occasionally still think about doing contracts again, imagining following my previous pattern—small positions, making just tens of USDT daily profits then stopping. Over time, even if it's only 20 USDT a day, that's 4,200 yuan a month. Isn't that a joke? Isn't this exactly the "cosmic debt repayment plan" in a gambler's mind? Who can guarantee fixed daily profits? And if I lose, what then? It's really laughable.
I'm in a lot of pain now. I know I shouldn't play anymore, but I don't know why I did. I have no debt, and my material desires aren't high. Maybe I just wanted to prove myself, didn't want to accumulate wealth solely through my salary, and feared my parents asking how much I've saved. I couldn't answer them that way.
I initially thought the investment market could showcase my insight and bring me income beyond my salary. But after verification, although I did make money during the process, the result was losing it all. I was just stubborn and unwilling to admit defeat. Every time I thought I could maintain control this time, but after getting results, I abandoned my plan and principles. Once the gambling urge hit, I'd increase my positions without setting stop-losses, just enjoying that feeling of snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. This is human nature.
I'm the type that if I keep losing, I'll be very timid with very small bets. But once there are results, I get hotheaded and my gambling nature takes over. I'm really scared to touch this now—it's too terrifying. I'm like standing at the cliff's edge; one more step is an abyss.
Thinking back to these five months touching contracts, what I lost wasn't just money, but my normal life. The rise and fall of contracts controlled my emotions. I'd wake up in the middle of the night needing to check my phone—had my position executed? It's too scary. How did I become this way?
"Yesterday is like yesterday's death; today is like today's rebirth."
Thinking about it now, my problem is being unsatisfied. Every time I think about earning just a bit more, then a bit more. When losing, I just endure. Once I get hotheaded, discipline and stop-losses disappear—only bloodthirsty fighting remains, constantly trading until I can't bear it anymore.
Currently, my favorite activity is sleeping. In my dreams, I have so much. Last night I dreamed of meeting a dancing girl; we had mutual feelings, but ultimately got lost in the crowd. This might be my escape from reality and a tiny bit of hope for the future.
Let me plan my future here. Currently, it hasn't drastically affected my life—I still have savings and stable income; I'm not at rock bottom. Yesterday I researched old photo restoration services and got Google's AI model working. The problem now is customer acquisition. I posted on idle platforms and made short videos on three platforms with no traction—Douyin especially had just 1 view, which is hilarious. But this isn't urgent; it's just an attempt. I'll take it slowly. If it doesn't work, I can set up a street stall on weekends to see if it helps.
Writing to this point, I feel most guilty toward myself, secondly toward my family—specifically my parents. Despite having stable work and a well-off family, I'm just ungrateful, constantly fussing, leaving everything in a mess. Fortunately, I have no debt and haven't spent family money—I'm bearing it all alone. Actually, thinking about it, what I've lost in these five months isn't just money, but stable emotions and restful sleep. The ups and downs of contracts have controlled my life.
My biggest current problem is the helplessness when my parents ask how much I've saved. But mistakes I've made, I must bear alone. So be it—when the time comes, I'll be honest with them. I just hope this time comes slowly, letting me save more money and have more confidence to face their questions.
This year's savings goal is 50,000 yuan. By June, I've reached 30,000 yuan. Every time I think about two days of mistakes requiring three to four months to compensate for, I feel like collapsing. But what's done is done. I can only face it earnestly!